Session Points - how to make it to your favorite session without family conflicts

Motivated by a friend we like to jam with who had to skip a session so he could attend the next (longer) session because he did not want to upset his (non-musical) spouse, and inspired by the system of “WillysPoints” developed by the members of the Willys (jeep) Tech Mailing List which is used to determine (roughly) if their spouses will tolerate another pile of Jeep Parts in the driveway - I give you:

Session Points: (could also be called Dulcimer, fiddle, whistle, guitar, flute, etc. points)

A system of keeping track or of communicating the availability of a musician for a session when their spouse has little (or no) interest in the music. In all fairness, this may not be because the spouse has no interest in music, but rather that they have already heard our entire repertoire of songs umpteen times through. Face it, you can only listen to “Whiskey before Breakfast” so many times (played badly) before you just have to say NO.

The key thing to remember about Session Points, is that (like WillysPoints) you never know how many you have stored up. In addition, your account can return to a zero balance in seconds without any prior notice. They cannot be expressed as having numerical value (I have 45 Session Points) - You know when you have some, and you will know when they are all gone...

How to lose Session points:

1. Go to sessions all the time and ignore the family/spouse in the process - this is a sure way to lose Session Points. As in all things, moderation is the key. Remember, though, that you do not decide what is moderate. Going to sessions only three times a week might seem moderate to you, but your spouse/children have something like twice a month in mind. If you are more familiar with the session participants than your own family, you are over the line and risk losing serious Session Points.

2. Practice within earshot of the family. The spouse likes to be able to hear that you are playing, but not what you are playing. As mentioned above, you can only listen to the same tune for so long before the Session Points start to evaporate. Which leads to the third way to lose points:

3. Practice too long - See point 1 for guidance here - moderation is the key. You may need three hours at a stretch to finally master that difficult section of the tune, but your spouse will not be thrilled if you spend that much time secluded from the family (see point 2). If they are glad to have you out of the way for that long, you have other problems.

4. Buy another instrument (especially a whistle or another set of hammers). Your non-playing spouse will not understand why you need another instrument when you already have one perfectly good one. About the best you can hope for is to get into a music store under the pretense of buying some new strings (hammered dulcimer players can’t use this) and then look at the instruments while you are there. If you buy the instrument and bring it home without checking on your Session Points, then you risk losing all of your future Session Points for a long, long time. If you bring a new (old) instrument home from a session, you can expect to never play with other people again.

5. Attend a Session at a pub. Late at night. In another town. You get the point. Sessions in another person’s home are best (especially if there is another non-playing spouse for yours to talk with), with sessions in a pub being low on the list (unless your spouse is a drinker....). I attended a weekly session held in a music store for a while, and if you work it right, you can actually stay even on the Session points. Yes, you went to a session, but it was at a music store and you didn’t buy anything (you didn’t, did you?). See number 7 below for more ideas on how to attend a session without actually using up any Session Points.

As a public service, here are some ideas on How to earn Session Points (or get around your lack of Session Points)

1. Go into a music store with your spouse under the guise of buying some new strings and play a couple of instruments while you are there (finding a small, busy store with lots of instruments within reach is ideal - Like Mountain Music in Shawnee, KS) and then don’t buy it (yet). After you have done this for a while (patience is an essential ingredient) you will have “banked” enough Session Points for a purchase or a long session. If you want to go to a festival, then more creative measures must be devised.

2. Write sessions down on the calendar and then don’t go. (I got an e-mail from a fellow who goes to Winfield every year who told me “I’ve been doing this for years!”) We can help each other out here if we sponsor regular sessions which we all understand no one will attend. If your spouse calls your bluff and awards you bonus Session Points so you can go, there is no problem. There are always enough single players out there to get a session together at a moments notice. The key is to use the Session Points while you have them. Like fresh cheese, they have a very limited shelf life!

3.Mow the lawn. Or clean the house (if you really mess this up, you may only have to offer to do it in the future to earn Session Points). The key here is to vary your tactics - too much regularity and your spouse will catch on. Worse yet, they might begin to expect you to do these chores, then not doing them will lose you Session Points.

4. Offer an instrument for sale. No, you aren’t going to actually sell it, just offer it for sale. (Especially if the instrument was a gift from your spouse - never sell that one). Likewise, looking at an old instrument offered for sale without buying it will also help to earn Session Points. We can help each other out here by doing this periodically, understanding that the point is not to sell the instrument, but to earn Session Points.

5. Actually sell an instrument. This is a desperation move, but may sometimes be necessary (suppose you are devoid of all session points and Winfield is coming up). To make this a bit easier, you can always find an old instrument in an antique store or Pawn shop, clean it up and sell it for a profit (I know this is hard to do, but it can earn you major Session Points). I took a different tack on this method - I started making instruments (Low Whistles) and selling them. I have turned several whistles into another guitar, a Mountain Dulcimer, an Autoharp and a Bodhran or two. (One isn’t enough?)

6. Give lessons on your instrument. This way you get to play with others, you have an excuse for practicing (you are “preparing the lesson”) and you make money to boot. Make sure the money goes into the general fund - the point here is to earn Session Points, remember? If you are good enough and/or have enough students, then you can eventually encourage them to go to sessions or festivals in the area - which means you get to go as their “teacher”.

7. Get involved in your spouse’s hobbies. I have earned a lot of Session Points hauling dirt, mulch and flowers around. If you can combine their hobby with yours, so much the better. (Why do you think they have craft booths at Winfield?). A local session is held in a Border’s bookstore, which makes it possible for many more people to attend that otherwise might not be able to for lack of Session Points. Location is everything!

8. Subscribe to Dulcimer Players News (or a similar publication) and leave it out for your spouse to see. If she actually reads it, she will learn two things which should help you to earn Session points:
a. There are a lot of festivals / workshops you are not going to.
b. There are a lot of people out there who play way more than you do - and who spend much more time on their instruments than you do.

(Of course, pointing this out to them will only lose you whatever Session Points you already have)

9. A friend of ours invented this last one - Call your spouse to let them know you are on your way home, but make sure that everyone else is still playing music in the background when you do. This way it appears that you are leaving the session early.

That’s about it - there are a hundred ways to lose Session Points, and not many ways to gain them. Unless you want to lose all your session points forever, Never tell your spouse about the concept of session points! A friend of ours did that, thinking it would be funny - it backfired bigtime. In reality, there are only two sure-fire methods to never having to worry about Session Points:

a. Stay single (and childless)

b. .Marry someone with the same need for Session Points that you have -
(That’s what I did!)

Peace,

Michael Connelly (connelly@kcnet.com)